Happy Tuesday! Today I’m hosting an incredible young man. At just 17 years old, Ryan Bernstein is shooting for the stars, working hard to spread awareness of obsessive-compulsive disorder. He’s writing a book, guys, and it isn’t even for personal gain! He plans to donate the proceeds to the International OCD Foundation, and he needs our help (you’ll see why!). Read his inspirational story of grappling with symptoms, getting a diagnosis, and getting better. Thanks for being here, Ryan!
Although you now know, at age 17, that you have OCD, it wasn’t so long ago that you felt anxious but didn’t know why. When were you diagnosed, and how did you realize what you were going through might be OCD?
During my pre-teens I saw different doctors but they just chalked up my symptoms to becoming a teen. It took about 10 years to finally figure it out. I was recently diagnosed at age 15. It was really difficult to experience so much anxiety and not understand why for such a long period of time.
I was fortunate to go to a public high school that had some support systems in place, and when I was a freshman, I experienced a terrible panic attack. The social worker really helped me put a name to what I had been experiencing for so many years. I began seeing a therapist who specialized in OCD and anxiety and worked with him for about a year. I also did a lot of research on my own to learn more about OCD. The International OCD Foundation and their resources were invaluable for me.
Did your parents recognize any symptoms of OCD, or did it come as a surprise to them? How did you tell them what was going on?
My parents were very supportive but none of us knew why I was so anxious. It wasn’t until I started to develop more visible rituals that my mom thought it might be OCD.
I relied on my mom a lot and always shared with her what I was feeling. Sometimes it was really difficult to find the words, though, because everything felt so awful.
Once we had a diagnosis and learned more about OCD, the pieces fell into place. What my mom had seen as random acts, and what I had felt, now had a structure and made so much more sense.
Having OCD—especially undiagnosed OCD—can make a person feel alone. Did you talk to any friends about it? Do you have any advice for my readers who might not know how to broach the subject with their peers?
I felt very alone. I think that part of the problem with any mental illness is that you really look OK. In addition, there is a stigma associated with it so people tend to isolate. I thought I was the only person suffering with this problem.
Initially I did not seek out my friends. I was worried about how I would be perceived in my peer group. I wish I had opened up because it would have taken away some of the pressure I was feeling.
I remember having a bad anxiety attack one day at school and I just couldn’t get to class. I finally got up the courage to blurt out the words, “I’m really anxious right now.” To my surprise a few friends asked if they could help me.
After that experience I began to realize that I could ask for help. At first it was difficult. I still have a sheet titled, “Some Things that People with Anxiety want their Friends to Know.” It has really useful phrases that helped me communicate what I was feeling. I began to tell more of my friends about my anxiety and it felt good. I realized that by being more open it helped me feel less afraid. In doing so, I met others who were also struggling.
My advice is to not be afraid. Try to be as open and honest as you can with your friends. I know it is not easy. Find a time that works for both of you and have a one-on-one conversation with each of your friends. I found that if I asked for support my friends were happy to give it. Of course, there are those who will tease, and bully, and although I have experienced that, and it is not pleasant, I believe that closing yourself off from support is worse than taking a risk and being honest.
I have since started a support group at my school called “Hand in Hand.” We meet each week to discuss coping skills, and share our thoughts and feelings in a safe environment. It has been very well received, and I encourage other teens to start a support group if there isn’t one in the area.
What can teachers and school counselors do to help?
We are living in a time where diversity and disability is celebrated. I think that teachers and counselors need to learn more about OCD and respect that students are trying but it can be difficult for them. Avoid embarrassment. Be patient. Listen. Advocate for them.
Sometimes all students need is to feel accepted and understood even if it might not make sense. Expect some disorganization and forgetfulness- overwhelming anxiety can be distracting. Find the good and be compassionate.
What do you consider the biggest misconception about OCD, and how can we help shed light on it?
I think that the biggest misconception about OCD is that it is so narrowly defined as a hand washing, or perfectionist, or highly-organized-everything-in-its-place issue. I think that many people believe it’s not really an illness, that it can be controlled, and that it doesn’t really negatively affect a person’s life. I’m here to tell you emphatically that it does.
I think that the best thing that we can do as a community is to educate. Share your story to change the way people see OCD and by doing so you can inspire others to do the same. This is the very reason why I decided to write my book.
Tell us more about the book you’re writing, OCD to Me: An Anthology of Anxieties. What inspired you to start this project?
I was inspired to write a book a few years ago when I was feeling really lost and alone. I didn’t think anyone understood what I was experiencing. It would have been so helpful and empowering for me to read about others who were also struggling. Too often books are written about overcoming an illness. I wanted to create a book that could not only help people with OCD but educate people about OCD through a first-hand account of what having OCD feels like.
I wanted to provide a platform for people’s unique stories to be heard. I know that often people don’t want to share their personal information so I came up with the idea of an anonymous survey. People can answer four questions about their experience. I will then edit responses for clarity and put them in the book.
My goal is to get at least 100 responses. I am halfway there! I want to get as many stories as possible to show that there isn’t one face to OCD. It afflicts people from every possible walk of life. I want to show how diverse as well as debilitating OCD can be, then maybe we can change the image of OCD, and the belief that mental illness only affects certain kinds of people.
My book will contain three sections. “OCD Defined” written by an expert in the field, “Practical Advice,” and “Amazing Personal Stories.” I will then find a publisher who believes in this project and get the book published.
All proceeds from the sale of OCD to Me: An Anthology of Anxieties will be donated to the International OCD Foundation in order to help broaden awareness and provide support to the OCD community. I want people to know about OCD, and I want to let people know they are not alone.
I hope your readers will help me by taking the survey!
If you could share just one piece of advice with others with OCD, what would it be?
It’s possible to overcome OCD. Don’t give up! It takes a lot of time, energy, and determination but you can do it. I remember thinking that I would never get better but I am now and I think the key was not being afraid to try. It is very frightening to face your fears, counterintuitive in fact, but take micro-steps and celebrate any success. Of course there will be setbacks so don’t be afraid to ask for help. People can’t support what they don’t understand. Be willing to share, speak up, get the word out. Together we can educate our communities.
Alison Dotson 